I have tried to ignore the need to write this post. I have tried to convince myself that I have put it all behind me and just don't need to write about him again. But I will write about him now. This is the last post. Promise. If he doesn't contact me or if I meet him again, then this is (very dramatically) it. He went home with another E and it crushed me so much harder than I had expected. I have always seen myself as strong, independent and well, better than all of my friends who went around and had love problems. So when I lay in bed that night, knowing that for him I was no one special, it just felt so wrong. I didn't see him after that (except hard core FB-stalking), and, although my heart skipped a beat at Christmas Eve when I saw that I got a text from him, I didn't contact him. The thing is... He isn't like me. He doesn't think it is a big deal, obviously, sleeping with someone. But for me it is. And he was the first one I actually talked to after making out and actually had on FB. 'No strings attached' has been my thing. So surely it's not that weird I reacted the way I did. So everything was nothing. I FB-stalked him (well, FB believes we're still friends) a lot the weeks around New Year. I was certain I would never meet him again, well at least not for four months. Then A and I started to chat. ( [this is in parenthesis 'cause it's just about what has happened] A is the sweetest and so nice. So we talked and last Thursday we talked about JVM and that the final was going to be that night. I said that I didn't want to sit up and watch at night alone, so he said he could round up some friends and we could watch together. He did and it was a blast! Got home 6.12 am. Anyways. Was at J & C's going away thing Saturday. That was also a blast! Although I stood outside QH, crying and saying "You can't do this, you can't leave me here", at one point. But still one of the best going out-nights I've ever had. So Sunday I had a perfect hangover day --talking to H she said he said I am so good-looking and nice, but he isn't looking for something serious like I am. So that's it. I'm good, he's gone.
