I follow you.

OK. I need to clear my head. I was at E's party Saturday. It was so fun! Smoke machine, leaves and fun. Although the fire alarm went of like 20 times and every time we got a call from the security company. Hehe, they got a little tired of us! H, L and I pre-partied in the city first. At one place where we were for like a half hour we got the comment "Good tempo, girls" from the bartender! And then we went to my house, dressed up as moose, hunter and hunter's dog (me!) and went to E's house. J from my work was there, his boyfriend and a lot of fun people. 21 liter of home made wine. And then it was V. The guy from E's dept. Whom I've talked to like four-five times since the beginning of August. He is in the same class as my sister. Yeah. We ended up smoking and talking and then we like, made out. I said to my friends that I was bored, that's why I did it. But honestly, I think I wanted it (ofc I wanted it otherwise I wouldn't have done it, but I mean wanted it). Anyways. I talked to J today. She is, as always, super excited. All "but you like him, and you haven't said anything you don't like about him". I promised I would chat with him. (To my future self, remember this song? Lykke Li – I Follow Rivers (The Magician Remix)) AND! Have I mentioned my "curse"? That I always see people (mostly boys) that I've thought about lately? Guess who I saw when I was at the bus today? Yep, V. Call it a blessing or curse, but it's true!

So let's get beer and find something to do.

I don't know what to do. I want to do something. Something. Maybe that's why I go out, drink and try to forget. 'Cause I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to work, study, travel, move somewhere or something else. The thing is I don't get freaked out because of that. And that, that I don't get freaked out is freaking me out more than anything else.

Love, sad, whore.

Divided by the ocean.

Feist – So Sorry

I am strong. I am weak. I am super-psyched. I am the pessimist. I am the one smiling. I am the one holding back tears. I am the one with no plans after the 23rd of december. I am the one who are a bitch against boys. I am the one hiding in my hoodie. I do not need boys. I crave attention. I am a know-it-all. I can not stand the extra weight. I love candy. I buy expensive clothes. I do not have enough money. I can not let things go.

True story.

And when she gets upset, tell her how you never meant to hurt noone.

Stupid cupid stop picking on me.

- I want to dye my hair dip dye-style!

- Played badminton with E and her four friends yesterday.

- Out yesterday too. Got in for free and knew like twenty people. It was fun! And met T on the bus home.

- Alexis Weak announced this week that he quits his music career. I played Alexis Weak – 112 and thought it was a shame.

- Prepping for E and N's forest party next Saturday. Gonna borrow costume from A. Making playlists for the kitchen area. E is talking about dragging trees into the house and they're making 21 liters of wine.

- F is leaving for Ecuador tomorrow. It sucks.

- T gave me one of the best compliments I've ever got (almost in the same leauge as when A said I looked like Serena in GG). He told me that his friend that came by when I was hanging out at his place had said "That girl you were with, she was soooo gorgeous!" when they had talked. hihi.

- I have powerwalked twice this week! It feels nice being tired not only in my mind, but also in my body. I wanna exercise at least twice a week.

- Haven't met neither H nor L in a couple of days. I miss them.

I was at S again yesterday. With A and A. it was fun. The hot bartender stood outside smoking when we were about to leave. And A said half loud "Oh no, now we're going to get raped." and he looked at us and although he stood with his colleagues he said "No you wont. 'Cause it's Thursday.".

Ra ta ta.

I just have to write about today. 'Cause today way a good day. I did some stuff I've been meaning to do for a long time (train and donate clothes), stuff I had to do (study and buy books), got some glad news (interview for a job soon) and hanged out with my friends (A, H and L for late-lunch turning into sitting and talking for several hours and J for a glass of wine, discussing life, alcohol-habits and boys). Just a fine day.

You know I really got a thing for American guys?

Nicki Minaj – Super Bass

Boom, badoom, boom, he got that superbass.

Last Thursday I went out. To the classic S where everyone old enough to be out, but too poor to afford a real night out hangs. Their happy hour is quite legendary. Anyways. I was there with such a great gang; A and two of her friends, L and her friend I, H, J and her two buddies JP and C2. We were like first in line and it was so nice. A, J and I were the gang in high school but we haven't been with each other that much since graduation so it was fun. And C2 was so sweet and fun! And well, H and L is always H and L. So we had a good time, met F and her friend that works at L and we had a laugh. S opens at 8 and some of the people had school/work so they slowly dropped off. So around 11 it was "just" me, JP, C2, H and L left. And this guy started to check me out. The scary part: he was a copy of J's loverboy F. (hate all first letter-names, but it seems necessary in some way, you never know what google can do to you) I texted her that and ignored him when I went by him and he tried to grab my arm. I started to talk to JP and I asked if he wanted to have a drink. Why not? So I turned around and bought two drinks and then, he was gone. So I stood there with two drinks. Guess who appears? Oh yes, the F-copy. He started speaking about how he knew JP and then he introduced himself. As F. I couldn't believe it. The same day I had had a talk with J about how she should let him go, that he wasn't a good guy, the same day as she tried to explain to me how she just couldn't leave him. That it wasn't so easy as we had imagined. I gave him the other drink. (funny thing, when I told E about the whole story she thought that part, me giving him my other drink, was the most upsetting part) We spoke English and talked about what we did. Although I already knew everything about him. I told him I study Italian, so he told me his family is from Italy. (I said that all Italian guys are bastards!) He introduced me to his cousin. And then he suggested we should go downstairs. So we did. We stood at the end of the staircase. He smells delicious. He's good looking. My type: brown hair, tall and beard. And he had his hand under my sweater. Despite all that, nothing happened. He kissed me and the cheek and I just felt that I could have gotten it if just had given him one small sign. But almost the only thing I could think of was how much J has talked about him and how sick it was. Seriously, how small are the chances of him coming there (it was his first time there he told me), after J had leaved and he starting hitting on me? Gosh. H and L came by and well, L was drunk. So I left him.

OK. So that was it. Nothing happened. But I still feel weird about it. I talked with E about it. I told her about my jealousy towards J. And she asked me: well isn't it because you could have gotten him and don't you feel even a little bit "in your face" towards J? And that I "gave him up" because of J. 'Cause if J wouldn't have seen him, I would've kissed him, for sure. I know he's a bastard. But still. He's so hot.

This is worth dying for.

Veronica Maggio – Mitt hjärta blöder

Whatever you are, always be a good one.

L and H was here last night. We baked cake, played scrabble and watched SATC. Love those girls. And on our refrigerator we have these magnet words that you can play with. They did that and wrote this:

nykter

förfest

förtär alkohol

öl

berusad

full

dans

begär

han är sexig

jag tänd

uppvakta

tryckare

röra

fumla

jag vill hem

sällskap

debut

inne

hoppsan

ut

låg

grattis

*

*

tragisk

vidrig

sensation?

Where you gonna sleep tonight?

Amy Macdonald – This Is The Life

And then dance and drink and screw, 'casue there's nothing else to do.

This summer (and it's officially over now since it's october) has been great. Although it mostly contained work, I have had a blast. Some things and people that have helped it get this great (no order if anyone ever sees this):

- H and L. Yeah, I can't say one without mention the other. They have been my beer buddies, wingwomen, "just hang out for the whole day without doing anything special"-friends. They were my summer. My lovely friends who just joke about my weirdness. Who post my "not so smart after all"-comments on FB and upload a hoard of picture of awesomeness. Who tease me about the cap. Who text me at work. Who push me into cute boys. Who I can actually talk to. And seriously, without them, this summer would've been nothing.

- F. My new friend that went to the same high school as me, but we didn't find each other until work. My friend who are as me in so many ways, who are wise, questioning, but never tries to be cool. Jumping in the back at work almost screaming. And all the bunny parties. Without her my cynicism isn't complete. And now she's going to Ecuador. Not fair. Why should they have her?

- E. Everyone needs a friend who always has the door open for you, who understands the trashtalking at your work and is just that little bit crazy. Kicked out of the last party, after trying to run away from the guard TWICE. Well guess who?

- L's apartment. Burning falafel, crashing after nights out and sleep overs. It's the end of an era!

- My work. Yes, I've hated it a couple of times. I've rolled my eyes while talking about it and about the weirdos that work there, but still it's my work. I've met so many people there and my town, well, just say it seems to have shrunken a couple of sizes. All the happy girls, the boys who think they're hotter than they are, the breaks, the gluttony, the stories, the parties and for heaven's sake - the balcony on a summer evening. Almost nothing can beat it.

- J. Is the positive friend that always want to here the news about the boys, stroll in the shops and who always beliefs it will get better.

- H. All walks with this girl. And then she just moves, to London! Well it was a blast visiting. And she is the best ego-boosting friend there is. Seriously.

- T. My best guy friend. With him everything is a little more fabulous. Getting home cooked meal and then movie is quite nice, helping me and my friends in to Y and understanding when I want my friends to leave me so I get to make out.