Beautiful moments.

- When a friend stops you in the middle of the street and says "You're cute. Cute persons should know they're cute".
- Sitting at McDonald's in Earth hour drinking milkshake with a friend.
- When a friend asks "How are you?" and really cares to listen.
- Skipping a class to fika. And choosing that delicious strawberry-thingy.
- When a friend's friend told your friend that you look like a model.

I cut my hair today. Like 25 centimenters.

How in heavens name, could someone put you in chains?

Håkan Hellström – Hurricane Gilbert

Don't be such a drama queen.

I dreamed a dream. And I remember almost everything.
I had gotten invites from my friend in Wales, they were black and purple, and I was going to my mum's job. When I came in there I went to the room in the back and there was two snakes. They just layed there, but then I saw a third snake between the two others and it jumped up and bit me in my right thigh!The weird thing was that when I came out and told everyone else, noone seemed to care. I was there, panicked and noone even thought of calling an ambulance. So me and some other people (don't exactly remember who) took the tram and walked to the hospital. And when I said something like "Maybe I shouldn't walk, if I was snake-bitten" everybody else were like "Why not, don't be such a drama-queen". Then we arrived to this hospital that was huge and I just walked in the first door. But it was totally empty and I got the feeling of sickness and death. So I walked out of there and passed a group of policemen standing there at the veranda. So then I came in to a nurse, and neither was she as panicked as I was.
Suddenly I was at my school and my black Longchamp bag had dissapeared. So I went around looking for it (it was at the second floor) and then a science/math teacher that I don't even have helped me finding it. Then I sat there talking to some guys and somehow I took of my shirt so I sat there in my bra only. Then the boy came there and stared (no more then usual). I saw my friend L standing at my locker, and decided to tell her everything.
Then I woke up.

He would never cut his heart out for you.

When I was in eight grade I had a secret crush on Seth Cohen. It was so secret so not even I knew about it. Until one night when I dreamed that I kissed him. I probably have it written down in some diary somewhere. It was so real.
I didn't, unlike the rest of he girls in my class, watch O.C. I watched Lost instead, it was at the same time. I remember turning on channel 4 in my bedroom and then snuggle in my bed. It was so great. But after the black cloud, I stopped watching.
Anyway, back to O.C. 'cause one thing I loved with it was the great (ok, I'm ashamed that I thought that, but at that time it was the best music ever!) music. Especially one song:

Beulah – Popular Mechanics For Lovers

I even made an analyze about it in school. But the text isn't that deep, so I only got B on that assignment. The teacher wrote "you should have picked another song". Screw that. I loved that song. But he wanted us to pick "deep" songs like Elvis Presley's In the ghetto or some Bon Jovi stuff. I tried to learn it on the piano too, but it didn't work. I kind of still like it. It has some catch.

Say a little prayer for you.

Do, a deer, a female deer.

I get so tired of myself sometimes. Like now for example. I have a big assignment in legal knowledge 'til this wednesday. So have I started with it? Nope. And when I sit down at the computer (and finally log out from Facebook) and try to find the verdict. Then I can't find it. Gosh. So I have only tomorrow to write three pages. Why can't I plan? And how on earth can I get A in everything?

Is that me?

She’s the girl that believes that what comes around goes around. The one that hopes for a better day. The one that won’t give up on you. She’s the girl that’s unlike the rest. The one that spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. She’s the girl that would love to be loved. The one that looks so damm strong, but feels so weak. She’s the girl that picks herself up every time she falls.

So I can shake you.

Håkan Hellström – 13

My favourite show.

Well, darkness only exists so that the stars can shine, darling.

This weekend has been splendid. It started at friday afternoon. L followed me, after the math lesson, to H&M and I tried on the black dress with flounce. It fitted perfectly! And it only costed me 50 crowns, because I had a gift card. We bought nail polish too, and I bought a liquid eye liner. I have to learn! Then to the library and return the book that I found in my room (like 3 months late) so now I don't have to feel quilty about that.
Then I went home. And packed my bag and got ready to go to the opening night of an art exhibition. So me and my mum was there and well, I'm not that impressed. Sure, Da Vinci, Michelangelo and Raphael painted beautifully, but somehow it doesn't struck me as hard as a beautiful photo. It was some guys from the Vatican there and they spoke italian. I didn't understand. At the exhibition they served a italian buffet. But we didn't have the time to eat 'cause I was going to A's house to sleep-over. So instead we drove by Mcdonald's. Wie!
A and I watched the new Fame and had a cozy-time. I've missed her so much it's insane. I brought 2 litres Coke to her place too. She is addicted to Coke. Well, at least it's the right coke.
Yesterday evening was my belated birthday-dinner. We were nine girls and I think everyone had a great time. They sang for me, I got lots of birtday presents (a candy bra from E and M, haha) and laughed a lot. I wore my 12 centimeters high heels too. Lovely. From A and F I got a pineapple full with candy. We got some strange looks when we carried it home at the bus. F slept at my place. We went to sleep after eating half of a Ben& Jerry box and watching two episodes of Vampire diaries.

Shut up. I wear heels bigger then your dick.

Sing me to sleep.

I have a music-list that I'm very proud of. Just calms you down and yeah, no stress.
Slow

Breathe.

Sometimes I simply can't breathe. I just have to tell someone that. That sometimes I want to lay down on the floor and cry. I can't breathe. Just can't. Because everything is so wrong, misunderstood and sometimes I even hate myself.
Then I hate myself a little bit more for hating myself. And then you have to go out in the world, smile and think 'Oh, I'm so lucky' even if you don't feel so inside.
People say I pressure myself too much. Then they turn around and say 'You only live once'.

Oh loverboy.

Look right here.

People change and promises are broken.

There is so many things in life that can make you sad. Too many. I can right now count to five things that makes me sad right now. But that's the thing I think. That you have all these sad stuff, but as long as you don't let them win. You have so many thins to be happy for. And if you feel that you don't, then you just have to think that it will not be like this forever. New people will come in your life, you will visit new places, try new things and when those things happen, you will not remember the saturday night when you cried yourself to sleep.

Don't tell me anything, I know everything anyway.

Melissa Horn – Säg ingenting till mig

In the pretty group.

I read an article about the weight thing. How people, especially teens, look at themselves. And there was a quote that really hit me. It was about friends and how people see you.
"När man är ute på stan så känns det bättre att vara med kompisar som ser bättre ut. Så folk som ser på en, som man inte känner, de ser liksom gruppen, och så är man där. I den snygga gruppen"
Translation
"When you're out in the city then it feels better to be with friends that are prettier. So people that look at you, that you don't know, they see the group, and then you're there. In the pretty group"

Men play the game, women know the score.

Friday night. And I'm home. We talked about choices today at the philosophy lesson. That we always have a choice, you can never ever say 'this is just who I am, I can't help it' because you always choose who you want to be. I choosed this. To not be the girl that comes home in the middle of the night, that is satisfied when she gets G in school, who is only fun when she has drinken a couple of drinks. My life, my choice. Everyone can be stupid, drunk and carefree.
Just want to tell you that the philosophy lesson was the funniest lesson I've ever had! I actually cried because I laughed so much. He is one of my favourite teacher (the other ones are my math teacher an my italian teacher) and he told us a extremely funny story. I laugh just by thinking of it.

I have a curse over me! I swear. It is so scary. I always see/meet people (especially boys) that I don't wanna meet. Like yesterday. I had bought a gym-card (yes, finally!) and took the bus to my bus station where I change to another bus. About thitry buses operates that route in an hour. THIRTY ! So I get on the bus, see my science-teacher sitting there and then I scan the bus with my eyes. And there. Sits. The boy. Damn, and he totally saw me. I just can't describe the feeling of total awkwardness and panic that I felt. Why can't I just not care? Before that day I stood by myself at the food table in the corridor. Guess who came? Yep, the boy. Panic. Panic. Panic. I stood against the urge to run. Then later one of his friend 'bitch-looked' me. Say what? I have never ever talked to her.
I want to confront him. I really do. Tell him that if he want to say something, why don't he do it? I'm not a bitchy girl. I'm not a big deal - at all.

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out.

Florence + The Machine – Cosmic Love

How scary isn't it when you are absolutely sure it is Tuesday and it is actually Wednesday?

We are doing a dance in PE. We are supposed to choose song and create a dance all by ourselves. Me and my two friends teamed up, and we're doing Shakira's song Hips Don't Lie. Guess who's going to stand in the middle and be 'Shakira'? Yep, me! So not funny. I mean, people describe me as prude, decent, proper and cute. Doesn't excactly sound like a Shakira-wannabe.
But the catch is: my PE-grade is really depending on this dance. Damn. So now I'm learning to do belly-dance. You should see my moves! Haha, it is kind of funny.

One day I'll fly away.

I just want to lie down and sleep. Sleep so everything disappear. Sleep until the spring is here.

What I want right now
- A pair of Rayban pilot sunglasses.
- A trip to London.
- Be able to do my schoolwork in reasonable time, AKA not the day before dead-line.
- An even and nice suntan.
- A friend that I can understand.
- A dress that I will look drop-dead-gorgoues in.

I'm always in this twilight.

It was a very good weekend. Do you wanna know why? Well, friday was chill and everything. Then on saturday I met C in the city. We had a nice time, strolling around talking and talking and talking. We've both been in New York. That was nice, 'cause our friends are tired of us talking about it. We took tea and a muffins at a cute coffeeshop. Met L at NK and A at TopShop. Then I had to run to the train. So I could meet M, that I haven't met in AGES! We had alovely time too. Fika at IKEA (5 kronor for a tea, unbealiveble!) and window-shopped apartments. We found a soo comfortable sofa that we sat in until a couple aske us if they could try it.
I wore a trenchcoat and my converse-virginity was broken. So, for me, it's offically spring!
Then I took the train back to my place. My family was away so C (yes, the same C) came to my place and we chilled and looked at Bonnie & Clyde. A dissapointment. BIG. But we had a great time anyway. Then I followed her to the bus and nighty nighty.
Sunday was planned for study. Didn't excactly happen. Well, if your friend calls you and asks if you want to do a chocolate toffee sticky cake you wouldn't say no either! We studied a little bit afterwards, I did all of the math-homework!
Then home again and packing my bag for a sleep-over at L's place. We take the same bus anyway on mondays so, why not?
So. That was my weekend in generally. But other stuff happend too. That I wasn't involved in. J, my 'best school friend', she talked to the senior boy when she was out! And he pretended that he didn't know who she was (why do they always do that?!), but today he didn't dare to look at our little group when he walked past us. Haha, it's the most embarassing for him! Funny funny funny!
The 'cool girls' in our class are having a Rockaholic-party, and thay didn't invite me and J, buhu. But A thinks it's OK to diss my dinner for their party. She will find out it's not.

You held me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point.

Gwen Stefani – The Sweet Escape

Everything has a meaning, if you just look closer.

This song is to sit on Amsterdams airport for hours. Lay in sofas, with the sun outside and gigantic windows that lets in all of the light. To watch japaneses that walk around with masks, the restaurant that looked like a train station och to be half asleep half awake until your mother and sister comes with Burger King-food. To stroll around in airport shops, order frappucinos and a regular coffe to dad and funny shop assistants that answers "Some like it hot".
This song is to know that happiness is there in your stomach.

This song is to shout out loud the only word you can in the whole song, so loud that people turn around. Standing in the back of the concert and dance and sing. To know you love music, love love love it so much that you just move without caring about anyone else.
To come home in sweaty clothes and don't care 'cause at home the bags are packed for Italy.

This song is to sing-a-long in the back of the tram. To skip classes so you can eat semla with your friends, run and hide from your friend and try to choke the laughter when she is about to text you. To smoke for the first time at the corner by the school, to eat ice-cream even though it's -10 degrees outside.
This song is the only song all three of us really likes.

This song is to want somebody so bad. To get mad 'cause he doesn't understand that you can't smile when your nervous, to talk for hours and hour about him and to change your status on Facebook to "If you want me, you can have me so easy". This song is jealousy of all the damn couples that hold hand in the escalator and that shops underwear together.
This song is pure angst that you will never ever find someone to call your own.

This song is to clean your room and use the hoover cable as a microphone. To pretend that you actually sing it to someone, but also to know that someday you will. To sit and study on a tuesday night and suddenly it hits you: you are like the song.
This song is played 18 times on my ipod.

It's kind of a funny story.

I read Ned Vizzini's book 'It's kind of a funny story', quite a while ago. It was a great book, hit me in the middle of my heart. Anyway. It was about a boy who was suicidal and, yeah this will sound rather strange, gets hospitalized. There he meets a girl who has scarred her face. Why? 'Cause she didn't want to be judged by her looks. So not everyone was allowed to see her beauty. Ok, that was a really shallow description of the girl, read the book!
But the scary thing is... I understand why she did it. Really. I don't like being pretty. Or something like pretty. I don't want to be looked at, I just want to be left alone.

These streets have too many names for me.

What have I've been up to the last days?
- It was my birthday.

- I got a Tofifee-box from my math-buddy L. Heavenly!
- Had a very, very weird ride with the tram. It was me and the stalkers friends. They had a very forced conversation, I must say.

- I got an Iphone.
- I bought the perfect black cardigan from Acne.
- Me and F had Vampire Diaries-marathon.
- We also watched the curling men final, and we understood the rules.

- And ate lunch at Le Pains Francais and then spoke as much french as we possibly could.
- I lied to a librarian. So I will probably burn in hell for that.
- I got my first solarium-tan ever. Will do it again sometime soon.
- Got several compliments on my Juicy-bag. Merci.
- Started up on our dance at PE.

- My dad found my cupcake-book!
- Got my report card. It looks quite good actually.
- My style is 'classic' and I'm 'prude' according to J.

- Got a birthday card with a girl on it holding a shoe and it says "I had to get them - they matched my lipstick", my godmother thought of me when she saw it.
- Made at least ten different ringtones. I know I'm the girl.
- Was at a hokceygame. Our team won with 7-3!